Anxiety about eating out

Sigh, you stretch after waking up from a lush sleep. You feel relaxed and comfortable………finally.

Then your phone bleeps, it is a friend asking you to come out for a meal with friends for her birthday next week. Well that pulls on the heartstrings, this friend has been there for you and it’s her birthday meal but that heavy draining feeling comes over your body. You feel hot and panicked.

‘Great, see you there!’ is the reply. Rude words run through your head, how do you get out of this one?! You can’t. That feeling of being trapped has happened and all because of an ED monster that doesn’t let you enjoy yourself.

Ok, breathe, do all the techniques you have learnt. Put it in the back of your mind, it is a week away.

A few days later the washing machine tummy is becoming more frequent as you start to think about this meal you need to have, friends have messaged you about outfits and there has now been another group chat made, this time labelled ‘birthday bash sausage and mash’. You have the feeling of dread or hatred for most, if not all of these outings. You feel like no one in your group understands that you are the statistic in the group with an ED, with anxiety and an ED.

The day before the meal, you have decide on your favourite outfit after going through the wardrobe and not feeling ‘right’ in any of them. You look on the website to see what you can eat, what makes you feel ok. You decide to have a starter as eating out is a massive accomplishment and you make a commitment with yourself that you will still eat other meals during the day and not compensate or cut corners later with your food.

That night you don’t sleep, the ED monster has taken hold. ‘you are going to be trapped’ ‘people will laugh at you’ ‘you cannot leave the situation’. You panic over and over whilst trying to sleep. You get up groggy and counting down the hours.

You reluctantly get ready, the only thing making you feel ok is knowing your friend will be so happy to see you there. You cry a few times, trying again techniques learnt, you haven’t felt hungry all day, and you procrastinate on anything and everything before opening the door and leaving.

You take a final deep breath and leave. Your head spinning with what feels right and the dread the ED is making you feel. The relief when you walk into the restaurant and you are greeted by your friends, the monster falls further back. You order what you planned from the menu, you laugh and enjoy the banter, you forget the worries you had. You are with friends there is no judgement, the monster has faded back. You leave to go home feeling on top of the world. You did it. The sense of accomplishment mixed in with relief.

As you get into bed for a good night’s sleep, you write in your little “win’s” journal. You look back to previous meals where you made it to the front door, sat but didn’t eat, drank but didn’t eat. You realise that each time with a small step forward, it is getting easier and the monster is more under control and less dominant. You can do this and eat out.

Advice when eating out with ED anxiety.

• Tell a friend that you may find it difficult if it’s a work meal/large group meal.
• Look at the menu first or walk past the restaurant to get an idea.
• If confident (or ask a friend) ring the restaurant before and explain your anxiety, ask for a quiet table.
• Sit on the edge or near the door to give your head the idea it isn’t trapped.
• Anything you do is amazing. Eat/drink/sit. Whatever step you are at.
• Go for a coffee before the meal in the restaurant.
• Consider a restaurant chain with a buffet so you can choose your portion size though not letting this become wiggle space and ensure you still have enough still.
• Travel with a friend to the place/get ready together.
• Tell your friends that you do not want fuss and if you get up to have air outside, you don’t need to be followed and you will tell them if you are really not ok and need company.
• Last of all, try not to look at the calories on the menu. Just try and enjoy!

You are not alone!

Start small with a trusted person, speak about what you are finding difficult and surprisingly lots of people will understand.